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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29544204">Roads Not Taken</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiaraMGrey/pseuds/KiaraMGrey'>KiaraMGrey</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman &amp; Terry Pratchett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Human, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Blow Jobs, Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley owns a pub, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Lost Love, M/M, Realization, Service Top Crowley (Good Omens), Smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:40:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,299</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29544204</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiaraMGrey/pseuds/KiaraMGrey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been seven years since Aziraphale left his home town to find adventure and live out his dreams. He's had a good life, and has made a home in London. But when he goes back to Tadfield for the first time since he was eighteen, he has to reconcile with the fact that he left something much bigger behind as well. He thought the feelings he had for his first love had faded. But when he sees Crowley again, he realizes that some things never die.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>302</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Good Omens Human AUs, Top Crowley Library</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Roads Not Taken</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I realized I hadn't written any actual angst since Paper Wings, Glass Hearts, and I really wanted to. It's all about the catharsis.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Aziraphale had told himself he wouldn’t come here. What was the point? He had come home to Tadfield to conclude his business, and now that was over, so he should leave. And yet here he was, standing in the frigid cold, staring up at the neon light to the only pub in town. He could here mellow music playing from inside, along with voices and laughter. Just the same as he remembered it from all those years ago. The same faded sign hung over the door, swinging slightly in the wind. But though this place looked the same, would <em>he </em>be the same?</p><p>Aziraphale didn’t even know if he would be in there. Alright, that was a lie. Anathema had told him he was in every night. Damn her for even putting this ridiculous idea into his head. But still, what was the point? It had been seven years without so much as a word passed between them, so why even bother him? Would he even remember him?</p><p>A sharp pain cut through his chest at the thought. Of course he would remember him. The three years they had spent together before he left for university flashed in his mind, blinding for a moment and only serving to deepen the ache. He had walked through this door so many times in a different life.</p><p>Aziraphale worried his lip between his teeth. He was being ridiculous. He was just going to stop in and say hi to an old friend. Well, old boyfriend. But a boyfriend who had also been his best friend in so many ways. Aziraphale had moved on a long time ago, surely he had as well. It would do them good to catch up, just as he had with Anathema. Maybe this would even give him closure, and he could finally move on from this town after all this time.</p><p>With a deep breath, Aziraphale pulled the door open. He was immediately hit by a blast of warm air that blew his curls away from his face and brought some feeling back to his numb skin. He rushed in, not wanting to let the warmth out, and immediately froze. The pub looked just as it had when he had been barely more than a boy. The dark wood paneling covered the interior and the floor was the same grey tile. Red booths still lined one wall, but the leather looked more cracked than it had back in the day. High-tops surrounded by mismatched stools littered the open areas that weren’t taken up by the old jukebox or tiny dance floor. The bar hadn’t been updated either, the gold banister still running along the underside and Christmas lights hung overhead, despite it being February.</p><p>Aziraphale smiled, taking it all in and allowing memories to crash into him. It even smelled the same. But then he saw him, and all other thoughts left his head. Crowley was leaned over the bar, laughing and talking with a patron. The low lights of the pub cast his red hair in a ruby hue, which he had grown out, now nearly to his shoulders. A black snake tattoo that he had never had before wound its way down his arm from the sleeve of his grey Henley. But it was his smile that really caught Aziraphale’s attention, still so bright and joyous and breathtaking. He was the most beautiful thing Aziraphale had ever seen, and it broke his heart. Aziraphale realized in that moment that this had been a huge mistake. He wanted to run out of there and forget this whole thing, block out the memories just like he had been doing for years and forget the hole in his chest that had once been filled with sharp wit and golden eyes. But then those eyes were turning to him and it was too late.</p><p>He knew the moment Crowley recognized him. The smile slid from his face and was replaced by shock, his eyes going wide and his body very still. He looked like he was staring at a ghost. Something complicated shot through Crowley’s eyes, and then he was straightening up. Aziraphale wasn’t sure how long they stood there, just staring at each other, but eventually Aziraphale forced a shaky smile.</p><p>“Aziraphale?”</p><p>He swallowed, hoping his voice wouldn’t crack. “Hello Crowley.”</p><p>“What are you doing here?”</p><p>Aziraphale walked forward until he was at the bar, wringing his hands the whole time. “I’m not sure if you heard about my mother?”</p><p>He nodded. “Yeah, I was sorry to hear of her passing. I, uh, considered going to the funeral but I didn’t get an invitation, so.”</p><p>“Oh, yes, it was a very small service. Just family and her close friends.”</p><p>Crowley nodded. “Right. But I meant what are you doing here, in the pub.”</p><p>Aziraphale glanced down at his hands. “Well, I figured it had been quite a long time. I wanted to see how you were doing, maybe catch up.”</p><p>Crowley continued to stare at him and as the silence stretched out, the urge to flee only grew. It was stupid to come here. Crowley obviously didn’t want to see him. Panic surged up inside him and he was about to leave when Crowley smiled.</p><p>“Yeah, sure. It’s been a long time, but I’d love to catch up. Can I get you a drink?”</p><p>He let out a deep breath and smiled. “Oh, yes, thank you.”</p><p>“Rum and coke?”</p><p>He still remembered, after all this time. He nodded. Crowley moved quickly, more confidently than when they were teens. His deft fingers moved over bottles and poured with an easy precision before sliding the drink to him. Aziraphale brought it to his lips and took a sip, then hummed with satisfaction.</p><p>“It’s perfect.”</p><p>Crowley leaned back against the bar. “Yeah, I’ve been working on perfecting it.”</p><p>“Well, I daresay you’ve succeeded my dear.”</p><p>He thought he saw Crowley’s face twitch, but when he looked again, he was still smiling.</p><p>“Glad you like it.”</p><p>Another silence settled over them and Aziraphale searched desperately for something to say. He tapped his fingers on the bar and looked around.</p><p>“The place looks good.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah. Haven’t changed much since it passed to me. Didn’t feel right, with all the memories attached.”</p><p>“Quite right. It almost feels as though this place should become some sort of museum.”</p><p>Crowley chuckled, and the sound was like heaven. Aziraphale hadn’t realized how badly he missed hearing that laugh.</p><p>“We’re twenty-five Aziraphale, I don’t think we’re quite old enough for this to be a monument.”</p><p>He smiled into his drink. “I suppose not. So, what have you been up to?”</p><p>Crowley pushed off from the bar and picked up a rag to wipe down the counters. “Oh, you know, this and that. Ever since I took over the pub from my grandfather three years ago, it’s sort of become my life. I spend most of my nights here. I see Anathema when I can, and she comes in often enough to see Newt.”</p><p>Aziraphale’s eyes lit up. “Oh yes, Anathema mentioned Newt worked here.”</p><p>Crowley stilled. “You talked to Anathema?”</p><p>“Yes, she came by the house yesterday to see me.”</p><p>He resumed his wiping of the counters. “Oh, right. But yeah, nothing too exciting. How about you? Did you get to live out all those adventures you always talked about? How was America?”</p><p>Aziraphale beamed. “Oh, it was wonderful! I loved living there. There really was so much to see and do, and I got my degree in English Literature and Library Science.”</p><p>Crowley smiled, and he thought it looked a little sad. “I’m glad.”</p><p>“Although, I never did find a pub over there to rival this one.”</p><p>That sharp humor Aziraphale had always loved flashed across his face. “I should hope not. Worked hard to make this place incomparable.”</p><p>Aziraphale raised his glass. “And incomparable it has remained.”</p><p>Crowley smiled and watched as he took a sip. Just then the door behind the bar opened and Newt walked out, carrying a large crate of glasses. He perked up when he saw Aziraphale.</p><p>“Zira! Hey, didn’t know you were coming in tonight.”</p><p>“Ah, well, I hadn’t fully planned it. But here I am.” He darted his eyes to Crowley and saw that he was watching him closely.</p><p>Newt set the crate down and came around the counter to give him a hug. “Anathema said she had lunch with you, and I was hoping I’d get the chance to see you before you left. But I guess you’re not here for me, huh?”</p><p>He felt himself flush and hoped the dim lights hid it from Crowley. “Don’t be ridiculous. Of course I’m here to see you as well.”</p><p>Newt gave him a disbelieving look. “Sure.” He turned back to Crowley. “Hey, I can handle this crowd if you two want to catch up. Can’t imagine you get many opportunities.”</p><p>Aziraphale glanced back at Crowley and saw that he was scowling at Newt. That didn’t seem like a good reaction. But then Crowley shrugged, and pushed off the counter.</p><p>“Sure, thanks Newt. Just let me know when the register’s ready to be cashed out.”</p><p>Newt rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.”</p><p>Aziraphale fiddled nervously with his cup as Crowley poured himself a drink and came around to sit beside him. “So, Newt still isn’t allowed near technology?”</p><p>Crowley snorted and shook his head. “No way. Last time I let him near the cash register it nearly exploded.”</p><p>“Yes, I remember when he nearly burned down the computer lab. That sort of thing sticks with a person.”</p><p>“And to think, the poor guy wanted to study computer science. He never stood a chance.”</p><p>Aziraphale chuckled. “No, but we always knew that.”</p><p>A silence settled between them, and it was clear that they were both searching for a way to fill it. It had been so many years, Aziraphale wasn’t entirely sure how to move forward. There was an awkwardness here that had never existed when they were younger. He could remember sprawling out on his bed while Crowley talked animatedly about art or the stars, or Crowley resting his head in his lap while they talked about nothing at all. It had been so easy. Like they were meant for each other. But that was before. Before he had broken their delicate love. Aziraphale shook his head slightly. That was the last thing he wanted to be thinking about right now. He had no clue when he would see Crowley next, so he would take advantage of this opportunity.</p><p>“So, the pub. Everything you always dreamed it would be, now that it’s yours?”</p><p>Crowley smirked as he took a drink. “Is anything ever as good as it was in your dreams?”</p><p>
  <em>You are. </em>
</p><p>“I suppose not.”</p><p>“It’s more work, I can tell you that much.”</p><p>“What, you mean more work than we used to put in when we came here after school? If I recall correctly, that involved a lot of hiding in the back room and you sneaking beers for us.”</p><p>Crowley cackled, and the sound alleviated the growing pressure that had been building behind Aziraphale’s heart.</p><p>“Oh come on, like I wasn’t doing it because you asked me to!”</p><p>Aziraphale placed a scandalized hand over his heart. “I would never! You must have me confused for someone else.”</p><p>“No chance. You can trick everyone else into thinking you’re some innocent little librarian, but I know the real you. I know what a bastard you are.”</p><p>Aziraphale had to press his lips together to stop a smile from showing. “Nonsense. You’re the real fiend here, and I think Mr. Tyler would agree.”</p><p>Crowley groaned. “Oh, don’t bring him up! I had to ban him from coming in here after he made a derogatory remark to one of my patrons. It caused a real ruckus in the town.”</p><p>“Oh, I don’t doubt that. The bored housewives have little else to talk about, and you always were a favorite topic.”</p><p>“Hey, I can’t help it if my dashing good looks get the PTA moms in a tizzy. Too bad for them I don’t swing their way.”</p><p>“My dear, if I recall correctly, it wasn’t your good looks they would take about. It was more of the way you painted your nails black and smoked outside the local grocer every afternoon. They were terrified you were going to corrupt their precious daughters.”</p><p>Crowley smirked and leaned on the counter. “Like I said, lucky for them I don’t lean that way.”</p><p>Aziraphale rolled his eyes. “You ended up proving their point by dating the exact opposite of yourself. I’m fairly sure you and I were the talk of the town for at least six months.”</p><p>“What did they think I was going to do, get you pregnant?”</p><p>Aziraphale let out a surprised laugh and brought his hand up to cover his mouth. Crowley’s smirk had turned sly, the way it always did when he was able to say something that scandalized and delighted Aziraphale.</p><p>“I actually think they thought you were doing it as a joke.”</p><p>Now it was Crowley’s turn to look scandalized. “Why the hell would they think that?”</p><p>Aziraphale held up a hand and began counting his fingers. “Let’s see. Firstly, you had already established yourself as the town hooligan. Secondly, I was a quiet and shy bookworm, and you were rather popular. Third, you were very attractive, and I was always rather frumpy—”</p><p>“You weren’t,” Crowley cut in. “You know I never thought that about you. Told you often enough, didn’t I?”</p><p>Aziraphale softened, that delicate thing in his heart quaking. “Yes, you did.”</p><p>They fell into conversation easily after that, reminiscing about their teenage years and laughing at shared memories. Before they knew it, more than an hour had passed without them even noticing. Yes, this was how Aziraphale remembered it. Easy. Crowley teased him and he teased back, a gentle give and pull that had always felt a lot like the tide of the ocean. Inevitable and consuming. He had forgotten how this felt, being near him. Or perhaps he had suppressed it to make leaving easier. He had told himself that this was worth giving up to have the life he had always dreamed of, a life of adventure. That it was just teenage love and that sort of thing faded.</p><p>But now, as he watched Crowley talk with his hands and laugh at something ridiculous, he realized he couldn’t remember that last time he had been this happy. He told himself he was happy when he was at work, or when he went to a fancy restaurant by himself, or when he was snuggled up at home with a book. But really, all he had been was content. Because now, with Crowley looking at him with that same light he always had and smiling in that way that made warmth bloom in his chest, he realized <em>this </em>was happiness. And all of a sudden, he couldn’t remember why had had ever left in the first place. What had he thought would be out there that could fill the massive canyon in his heart where Crowley lived?</p><p>Aziraphale was pulled from his thoughts when Newt came over and interrupt their conversation. “Hey, Crowley, I’m locking the doors. The register is ready whenever you are.”</p><p>Aziraphale blinked and looked around, only now noticing that the pub was empty and he and Crowley were the only ones left at the bar.</p><p>“Great, thanks Newt. See you tomorrow.”</p><p>Newt disappeared through the back door, and Aziraphale realized this was the first time he had been fully alone with Crowley in seven years. Nerves rose inside him.</p><p>“Oh dear, I didn’t realize how late it was. I can go if you need to close up.”</p><p>Crowley waved a hand as he stood and walk back around the counter. “Nah, it’s fine. Unless you need to leave…”</p><p>“I don’t!” he said quickly.</p><p>Aziraphale suddenly found himself desperate to stretch this out for as long as possible and was relieved when Crowley gave him a grin.</p><p>“Great. Another drink?”</p><p>“Perhaps just a tea?”</p><p>Mirth swam in Crowley’s eyes. “Coming right up.”</p><p>Once Aziraphale had his tea in his hands, he finally forced himself to ask the question he had been dreading for years.</p><p>“So, are you seeing anyone?”</p><p>Crowley went still where he had been counting the money from the till, his shoulders raising slightly.</p><p>“Uh, no, not right now. Haven’t been with anyone for a while. You?”</p><p>“No, no, same. I haven’t been in a relationship for more than two years.”</p><p>Crowley nodded and went back to counting money, though his shoulders still seemed tense. “What, can’t find anyone in all of London?”</p><p>And oh dear, but that delicate thing in Aziraphale’s chest gave a terrifying shake. He knew he was close to a precipice here, but he had been so afraid for so long. Was jumping really the worst thing? His voice was quiet when he spoke.</p><p>“Nobody that I want.”</p><p>He watched as Crowley carefully tucked the money into a box and then turned to him. His eyes had lost the easy going light from early and had taken on something akin to fear.</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>Aziraphale tried his best to stop his lip from quivering when he spoke. “Because none of them are you.”</p><p>Aziraphale had never seen a person break before, but he imagined this was what it looked like. Crowley’s face crumpled and he took a step away from him.</p><p>“Don’t.”</p><p>Aziraphale wanted to reach for him. “Don’t what?”</p><p>“Don’t say that. Not after all this time. Not after what you did. <em>You </em>left <em>me</em>, remember?”</p><p>“Yes, of course I remember. But—”</p><p>“You chose to leave me and go to your fancy university out of the country, knowing I couldn’t leave with my grandfather here. You cut off contact completely, not even a single message in all these years. And I respected your decision because you said it was what you wanted, and I just wanted you to be happy. But you don’t get to come back here after all this time and say that to me.”</p><p>Aziraphale could feel the tears stinging the back of his eyes, emotion welling up in his throat and threatening to choke him. “Crowley, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I thought if I cut everything off it would be easier for both of us. I thought I was giving us a clean break.”</p><p>Crowley scoffed and shook his head. “Yeah, did you ask Anathema how clean of a break it was for me?”</p><p>“I mean, I assumed you were fine—”</p><p>“Fine?” Crowley practically shouted, making Aziraphale flinch. “You think I was fine? I didn’t leave my house for months. I barely got out of bed. Anathema had to take care of me until I was able to drag myself back into the light and pretend everything was fine. Pretend like I didn’t feel like I was dying. I loved you, more than anything. I planned on marrying you. And you left me. Like I was nothing.”</p><p>“That’s not true!” Aziraphale cried, standing. Tears had begun to roll down his cheeks in earnest. “Crowley, leaving here was the hardest thing I ever did. I cried every night for months after I left, I missed you like you were a physical part of me. But I knew that if I didn’t then I would never leave! I would be stuck in this town just like everybody else!”</p><p>“And was it worth it? Was your fancy university worth that?”</p><p>Aziraphale bit his lip. “I thought it was. For years I told myself it was enough. And to be honest, up until I walked through that door and saw you, I believed it. I wanted it to be true so badly that I made up a reality in my mind in which I didn’t need you. But Crowley, I can see now that isn’t true.”</p><p>Crowley pushed his hands into his hair and shook his head, his own tears seeping through his closed eyes.</p><p>“What do you want from me Aziraphale? Huh? Are you asking for my forgiveness? Will that make it easier for you to go back to London and go on living your life? Because you don’t need my forgiveness. You’re allowed to live your life however you want without explaining it to me.”</p><p>Aziraphale wanted so badly to go behind the counter and take him into his arms, to wipe away his tears and try to make him understand, but he knew that wouldn’t be welcomed right now.</p><p>“Crowley, that’s not what I’m trying to say!”</p><p>“Then what?” he shouted. “Why are you doing this? I was moving on. I was living my life without you. So why did you have to come back here and drag all of this up again? Are you <em>trying </em>to hurt me? You were never that cruel before. Do you just need to feel like you’re important? Well, mission fucking accomplished. Will it make you feel good to know that I was never able to get into a long-term relationship again, because I just kept comparing them to you and they never lived up? That every time I slept with someone, I pictured you beneath me? Will that keep you warm at night?”</p><p>Crowley stormed away from behind the bar and began to angrily shut off the Christmas lights overhead, as though he were looking for something to do. Without thinking, Aziraphale followed him.</p><p>“Crowley, please just listen to me! Of course that doesn’t make me happy! All I ever wanted was for <em>you</em> to be happy!”</p><p>“Then you shouldn’t have come back here!”</p><p>The words were like a hammer to the delicate thing in Aziraphale’s chest. He felt it shatter, the shards breaking off and sinking into the essence of him. A sob tore through his chest and he pressed a hand to his mouth to stop another.</p><p>“Crowley, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”</p><p>“I don’t want your apology!” he snapped, spinning back towards him. “Why did you even come here?”</p><p>“Because I’m still in love with you!” Aziraphale cried. He wanted to force the words back in the moment he said them, but it was too late. They were out in the open now, and all he could do was address them. “I didn’t think I was! I thought I had moved on. But then I saw you, and god, you’re just as beautiful as I remembered. And then you smiled at me and laughed and suddenly I was seventeen again. And now I’ve realized that that love never died. It was locked up and I was just too afraid.”</p><p>Crowley scoffed. “Afraid of what?”</p><p>“Afraid that if I did come back here it would be too late. That you would be with someone else and I would have to acknowledge what a colossal mistake I had made. That it would be too late for me to fix it.”</p><p>Crowley stared at him for a long moment, anger and pain waring on his face. “It is too late. I can’t do this. Not again.”</p><p>It took everything in Aziraphale to not just collapse then and there. Well, there it was. His deepest fear was realized, and now he needed to leave. He couldn’t stand there and look at the pain on Crowley’s face for a second more. He forced words out of his mouth, despite the broken heart in his throat.</p><p>“Right. Of course. I’m sorry.”</p><p>He turned and fled, not looking back as he pushed open the door and ran out into the biting cold.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Crowley couldn’t do anything but stand there and stare at the door as it swung shut behind the love of his life. Aziraphale had broken him into a million little pieces all those years ago, and it had taken so much time to glue himself back together. And now here he was, in shards once again at the heels of the only man he had ever loved. He wanted to feel numb, but the horrible ache in his chest was too painful.</p><p>When he had looked up and seen Aziraphale again after all these years, he had felt like a teenager seeing him for the first time all over again. He remembered it so clearly, being fifteen and new to town. He had been trying so hard to be cool, but then he had run into Aziraphale in that hall and all of that had fallen away. Aziraphale had really looked at him, and then he had smiled. It was all over from there. His heart had belonged to him and him alone ever since, no matter how hard he tried. He remembered not being able to believe it when Aziraphale had loved him back, when he had kissed him beneath the oak tree behind his parents’ house for the first time. It had been heaven, being with Aziraphale. Until it wasn’t. Until Aziraphale left and his whole world had been ripped out from under him.</p><p>Crowley wiped furiously at the tears on his face and shut off the main lights to the pub, leaving him in only the dim lights of the juke box in the corner. Why the fuck had he come back? Did he get off on hurting him? Was it a power thing? In his heart he knew this wasn’t true. Aziraphale could never be cruel. Selfish? Sometimes. Dense? Yes. A bastard? Absolutely. Those were all things he loved about him. But never cruel.</p><p>Which left Crowley with the only option left to him. To believe what he had said. That he was still in love with him. That he had been as hurt as Crowley and had tried to move on to no avail. That he had realized there was no one else out there for him. And Crowley had just told him to leave. He had lied and told the love of his life that it was too late. And now he was probably gone forever. Panic rose up inside Crowley. Oh fuck, what had he done? Was it too late to chase after him? Would Anathema know how to get in contact with him? His breathing became short and he gripped at his hair, the panic threatening to drown him. A knock at the door brought him back with a jolt. He stared at the pub door for a long moment before crossing the floor and flinging it open.</p><p>Aziraphale stood on the other side, his face red from the cold or from crying, Crowley couldn’t tell. His eyes were resolutely on the floor and his bottom lip wobbled dangerously. When he spoke, his voice sounded hoarse.</p><p>“Terribly sorry to inconvenience you again, but I seem to have left the keys for my rental at the bar. If you could just let me grab them, I’ll be out of your hair.”</p><p>Crowley stared at him for long enough that Aziraphale finally looked up at him. Whatever he saw made his eyes go wide and his mouth form a little o. It was the cutest thing Crowley had ever seen, and with sudden clarity he knew he couldn’t let him walk away again. He grabbed the front of Aziraphale’s coat and dragged him inside out of the cold, slamming the door behind him. Aziraphale gasped, but Crowley didn’t let him say anything else before he pressed their lips together. And fuck, if that didn’t feel like coming home. His lips were cold, but just as soft as ever. There was a long moment where Aziraphale just stood there in shock, but as his mind caught up with him, he let out a moan that sounded more like a sob and reached up to grip at Crowley’s face.</p><p>His mouth opened beneath Crowley’s lips and he deepened the kiss, pulling them closer together. Crowley felt as though he were going to shake apart, and even as he continued to kiss Aziraphale with a frenzied heart, he realized tears had continued seeping from his eyes. And based on the moisture he could feel beneath his hands, Aziraphale was still crying as well. That cynical part of his mind told him to stop, to not let himself be hurt all over again. But the raging love that had always consumed him for Aziraphale was far louder, drowning out any doubts and fears that tried to claw their way to the surface. All that mattered right now was that Aziraphale was in his arms once more, clinging to him just as tightly as he was him, and he had told Crowley he still loved him. He loved him. He loved him. Aziraphale was the first to break the kiss, his eyes shining with unshed tears and filled with hope and confusion.</p><p>“Crowley, oh my darling, I’m so sorry for leaving. I know you told me not to apologize, but I must. I will for the rest of my life if need be. Because I love you. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and I thought of nothing but you for years. I pretended I didn’t because I was afraid, and a coward, and I didn’t think I could live with knowing I had lost your love forever. So if you can’t forgive me I understand, but I just needed you to know—”</p><p>Crowley cut him off roughly with another kiss, his thumbs rubbing away the tears on his cheeks.</p><p>“I do,” he rasped, his throat tight around the words. “Of course I do. I could forgive you anything, always could. From that first time you smiled at me, I was yours.”</p><p>Aziraphale’s chin wobbled and few more tears spilled from his eyes onto Crowley’s fingers. “Does that mean that you still…”</p><p>“I love you. I’ve always loved you. I never stopped.”</p><p>This seemed to be the last straw for Aziraphale, as he burst into body shaking sobs. Crowley pulled him close and Aziraphale buried his face against his neck, and like a dam breaking after years of pressure, they both cried. Crowley gripped the back of Aziraphale’s jacket as though afraid he would be ripped away from him without a moment’s notice, and Aziraphale did they same. When was the last time Crowley had been held like this? Not since the last time he had held Aziraphale, he was sure.</p><p>He pressed his nose to Aziraphale’s curls and breathed in. Oh, god, that smell. Honey and lavender, the same as he remembered, with just a hint of mint. A terrifying fear took ahold of Crowley. What if this wasn’t real? What if this was all a dream, and he was about to wake up alone in his bed over the pub? He couldn’t count how many times he had had this nightmare. He always awoke with tears in his eyes and his heart feeling like lead, and it was only ever his pillows that heard the screams he released. He pulled back and took Aziraphale’s face in his hands once more.</p><p>“Is this real? Are you really here angel? Please tell me I’m not about to wake up.”</p><p>A wet laugh bubbled out of Aziraphale and he shook his head. “Unless I’m dreaming too, this is real my darling. I’m here.”</p><p>Crowley could do nothing but stare, to drink his fill of Aziraphale’s beautiful face. After he had left, Anathema had encouraged him to get rid off all the pictures he had. And so he had packed them all into a box and put them under the bed. But contrary to what he had told Anathema, he never got rid of them. He couldn’t. Sometimes when he was sure he couldn’t get out of bed, he would pull that box out and look through all the pictures of Aziraphale’s smiling face. It had hurt like hell, but it had helped. Helped him feel something. And now he was here, in person, looking at him like he hung the stars.</p><p>“I missed you, angel.”</p><p>“Oh,” he whimpered. “I missed you too, love.”</p><p>Aziraphale brought their mouths back together into another kiss, but this time it was slow. They had lost the urgency from before, just letting their lips slide together in a slow give and take. It reminded Crowley of when they would lie together in the field behind the school on summer afternoons, when their worries were far away and their whole world was reduced to just them and the warm breeze that blew over their skin. That was what it felt like now. The world outside didn’t exist, it was only him and Aziraphale. Just as it should be.</p><p>Aziraphale’s lips moved to his jaw and then down to his neck, making Crowley shiver. The press of his lips was gentle but insistent, leading them towards something. Wherever it was, Crowley would follow. It didn’t even take a thought to bring his fingers up to Aziraphale’s hair and tangle into his curls, eliciting a moan when he gave a gentle tug. The sound went straight to Crowley’s cock.</p><p>“Angel?”</p><p>“Mmm?” he murmured against his neck.</p><p>“Would you like to come upstairs to my flat?”</p><p>Aziraphale pulled away and smiled up at him. “I’ve never wanted anything more.”</p><p>Crowley took his hand and led him behind the bar to the door that hid the stairs to his flat. His heart was racing, and he felt a bit light headed, so it took more concentration that usual to make it up the stairs. Aziraphale was holding his hand and coming up to his flat. Surely this couldn’t be real.</p><p>But the feeling when Aziraphale pushed him through his front door and pinned him to the wall certainly felt real enough. And when he nipped at the underside of his jaw, that had to be real. His mind never got this far before it yanked him out of the dream. A small mercy, he supposed.</p><p>“What do you want, my love?” Aziraphale whispered in the dark of the room.</p><p>God, he wanted so much. “I want to see you. I want you to take off your clothes and lay on my bed and let me just… see you.”</p><p>The tender look Aziraphale gave him at that was almost enough to make him cry again. Aziraphale ran his fingers over Crowley’s temple.</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>Aziraphale took a step back and brought his fingers to the buttons of his shirt. He seemed to have already lost his jacket in the entrance, so there was only the thin barrier of his cotton button up between his skin and Crowley’s eyes. Aziraphale’s fingers mover slowly but surely, one button at a time until it hung loosely off his shoulders. He rolled them, allowing it to fall and pool behind him. Crowley felt the need to pick it up, hang it so it wouldn’t get any wrinkles. Aziraphale had always hated wrinkles. But with the way he was looking at him now, Crowley doubted Aziraphale cared at all. He began to back up, moving towards the bed on the far side of the room, his soft hands untucking the undershirt from his trousers.</p><p>“Wait,” Crowley breathed. He pushed off the wall and crossed the distance between them, stopping once he was in front of him. “Let me.”</p><p>Aziraphale nodded, and Crowley replaced Aziraphale’s hands with his own. He tugged the shirt up, allowing it to slide over his stomach with a slowness that would be maddening if he weren’t savoring every second. He had dreamed about seeing Aziraphale naked again, and he was going to take his time with it. Once it was at his chest, Aziraphale raised his arms and allowed Crowley to finally pull it over his head and toss it to the floor. And oh, it had been worth the wait.</p><p>Aziraphale was just as soft and round as he remembered, his skin as pale as ivory in the delicate moonlight that streamed through the window. He brushed his fingers over him, making him shiver.</p><p>“I’ve- I’ve gained a bit of weight since you last saw me.”</p><p>“You’re perfect. Better than anything I’ve ever seen.”</p><p>Crowley dug his fingers into him, the soft give of his hips making his hands shake. He could just stand there and touch him like this all night, but Aziraphale was already pulling back and placing his hands on his belt.</p><p>“There’s still a bit more to see.”</p><p>Crowley swallowed and nodded. Aziraphale stepped back until his legs hit the bed and unfastened his belt, sliding it out from the loops. Crowley licked his lips when Aziraphale undid the button and slid the zipper down. Aziraphale kicked off his shoes and allowed the trousers to pool at his ankles, before kicking those off as well. Now in only his pants, Crowley could see the hard line of his cock as it tented them. And then Aziraphale hooked his thumbs into the waistband and slid those off too. The sight of Aziraphale fully naked knocked the breath out of Crowley. His mind had never been powerful enough to conjure an image half as beautiful.</p><p>“God, angel. Look at you.”</p><p>Aziraphale smiled a little shyly and sat down on the bed, scooching back until he was directly in the middle of it. He stood in such stark contrast against the black silk of his sheets. Crowley could have stood there and stared at him for days. But Aziraphale was already hard and leaking, his cock flushed and standing firm. He held out a hand to Crowley.</p><p>“Won’t you join me, my darling?”</p><p>And well, Crowley had never been able to deny Aziraphale anything. In a flash his shirt and shoes were off, and he climbed onto the bed so he was positioned over Aziraphale. Blue eyes stared up at him with wonder.</p><p>“Oh, Crowley, you’re stunning.”</p><p>“Not half as much as you.”</p><p>He bent his head and began to kiss his way down from his chest to his plush stomach. Aziraphale giggled when he reached his sides, just like Crowley knew he would. He grinned up at him.</p><p>“Still as ticklish as always, I see.”</p><p>Aziraphale swatted at him and huffed out a breath. “Oh hush, you fiend.”</p><p>Crowley slid lower, giving Aziraphale’s skin gentle presses of his lip until he reached his thighs. He moaned and pressed his face into them.</p><p>“You have no idea how much I missed your thighs. Fuck, do you remember the first time I came on them?”</p><p>Aziraphale moaned. “Oh yes. That was a feature in many of my late-night imaginings.”</p><p>Crowley chuckled, then licked a stripe up them until he reached his groin. “You taste so fucking good.”</p><p>Aziraphale’s cock twitched in front of his nose. “Well, my dear, I think there might be something that will taste even bett-ah!”</p><p>Crowley enveloped his cock with his mouth, swallowing him down to the root in one go. He had wanted to savor this, but now that he had him, he couldn’t wait a second more. Aziraphale squirmed in his grasp, his hands fisting the sheets on either side of him as he thrust up into the warmth of Crowley’s mouth.</p><p>“Oh, goodness, that feels incredible.”</p><p>Crowley hummed and bobbed his head, giving special attention to the head with his lips, just as he knew he liked. Aziraphale was shaking, enough that his thighs trembled around Crowley’s head. He pulled off and frowned.</p><p>“Are you cold?”</p><p>“No,” he said, shaking his head. “No, love, I’m fine. Please don’t stop.”</p><p>“Wouldn’t dream of it.”</p><p>Crowley took him back into his mouth and began to work him faster, taking him deeper with each bob of his head until he was sliding into his throat. Aziraphale continued to moan and cry out, his sounds spurring Crowley on. He wanted to taste him, to have his spend fill his mouth. But then Aziraphale was pulling at his hair, trying to drag him off.</p><p>“Crowley, wait, please. I don’t want to come like this.”</p><p>Crowley pulled off and looked up at him, his mouth shining with salvia. “How do you want to come, angel?”</p><p>“I want you to fuck me. I need to feel you inside me again.”</p><p>He couldn’t help but moan at that, allowing Aziraphale to pull him back up his body. “Yeah, ok. I can do that.”</p><p>“Please, take those off,” Aziraphale said, tugging at the waistband of his trousers.</p><p>Crowley obliged, unbuttoning them and dragging his pants down with them. His cock finally sprung free, just as hard and flushed as Aziraphale’s. Aziraphale ran his fingers up the length of it, making Crowley shiver.</p><p>“Oh, look at you my love. Even more beautiful than I remember. I want you inside of me, now.”</p><p>“So demanding,” Crowley chuckled as he bent forward to kiss him once more.</p><p>He leaned over and slid open the drawer of his nightstand, taking out the small bottle of lube.</p><p>“I, uh, don’t know if you want to use a condom, but I’m clean. I got tested a year ago and I haven’t been with anyone sexually in two years.”</p><p>Aziraphale nodded. “I’m clean as well. I just want to feel you inside of me.”</p><p>Crowley poured a generous amount of lube onto his fingers and brought them down to Aziraphale’s entrance. He checked to make sure he was ready, and then slid the first finger in. Aziraphale gasped and bit his lip, his hips moving down in time with Crowley’s thrusts.</p><p>“Another, please.”</p><p>And so Crowley did, sliding another in and working him open. Aziraphale’s body was so welcoming, practically swallowing him up and pulling him in further. He remembered the first time they had done this, neither had been able to last more than a few minutes. He had a feeling that this was going to be a similar experience. He was already leaking all over the bed, just from watching Aziraphale. He wasn’t sure what he would do once he was inside him. Another finger was added, so that he was fucking him with three fingers.</p><p>“I’m ready. Please.”</p><p>Aziraphale didn’t have to ask twice. Crowley removed his fingers and situated himself between his thighs. Aziraphale looked up at him with hooded eyes, the moonlight making his curl glow like a halo over his head. He was ethereal in his beauty. Crowley reached forward and ran his hand down the side of his face, curling his palm around his jaw and sliding his thumb into his open mouth.</p><p>“You’re so fucking stunning, angel.”</p><p>“No more than you, my love.”</p><p>Crowley used his hand that wasn’t on Aziraphale’s face to slick his cock and line it up with his entrance. There was a moment of pressure as the head of his cock pushed against the tight ring of muscle, and then he was sliding inside, and it was like he had ascended to another plane altogether. The hot, tight heat of Aziraphale enveloped him and he felt his mouth fall open in pleasure. Aziraphale wore a similarly blissful expression, his back arching as he took Crowley all the way in. Crowley had to wait a moment once he was fully seated, or else he was sure he would come right then and there. He took a shuddering breath, and then Aziraphale began to rock his hips.</p><p>“Please, love, move. I need you to fuck me hard.”</p><p>Crowley began to move, thrusting his hips slowly at first, but quickly picking up the pace. He used his hands to lift Aziraphale’s legs so that he was hitting him at just the right angle, making him cry out.</p><p>“Oh, look at you angel. You still take me so well. How did I never realize your body was made for me, a perfect match.”</p><p>Aziraphale whimpered as Crowley pounded into him, the sound of skin on skin filling the room along with their heavy breaths. It was intoxicating. Crowley had tried sleeping with others after Aziraphale, and every time he had been left unsatisfied. But now, his body was singing with the joy of finally being inside his angel again, and it was enough to make him cry. God, he had missed him so much. He held back a sob as he felt his climax coming, and when he looked down at Aziraphale, he saw that a tear had slid out from his eye as well.</p><p>Crowley leaned forward and kissed the tear away, the salty moisture coating his lips. Aziraphale tilted his head and captured his mouth with his, and Crowley’s heart gave a painful jolt in his chest. They continued to kiss as Crowley fucked into him, and he realized they were both crying. He was close, but he wanted Aziraphale to come with him. He brought his hand down to Aziraphale’s cock and began to stroke him in time with his thrusts, making Aziraphale shout. Crowley’s orgasm came with a sudden rush, making him choke out a cry as his hips stuttered and he filled Aziraphale. Aziraphale’s hand tightened around the back of his neck as he came with him, his spend shooting between their bodies and coating their chests.</p><p>Crowley breathed deeply and rested his forehead against Aziraphale’s, their breath mingling between their lips. He opened his eyes slowly. Aziraphale was peering up at him, his blue eyes brimming with what could only be love. Crowley smiled and pressed another kiss to his lips before pulling out and climbing off the bed. Aziraphale had always hated being sticky after sex and liked to be cleaned up right away, so Crowley went to the bathroom and retrieved a wet cloth before padding back across the room to the bed. Aziraphale remained where he had left him, his eyes tracking Crowley’s every movement.</p><p>Crowley cleaned him gently, and then wiped his own body down before climbing back into bed and snuggling up beside him. Aziraphale pulled him tight against his body, allowing Crowley to rest his head on his chest. It was only now, as the quiet of the night settled around them, that fear began to creep in. How was he going to survive Aziraphale leaving again?</p><p>Sure, Aziraphale had said he loved him, but what did that change? He had loved him when he left the first time. Aziraphale still had a life in London. He had a job and probably had friends and a whole life in London. Crowley clenched his jaw and tightened his arms around him.</p><p>No, he wouldn’t let that happen again. Maybe he could give Newt full run of the pub and let him hire on more help. He could always rent out this flat as well, for extra money. He was sure it wouldn’t be too difficult to find a job in the city. Maybe at a pub, even if he wouldn’t be his own boss anymore and would have to go back to taking orders. It would be worth it to keep this. To keep Aziraphale in his arms and his life. It was Aziraphale that broke the silence first.</p><p>“Do you still know the dean of Tadfield University?”</p><p>Crowley frowned and looked up at him. That was a strange question for right after sex.</p><p>“Michael? Yeah, sort of. I mean, we aren’t close friends or anything, but she comes into the pub sometimes with the other staff. Why?”</p><p>Aziraphale hummed. “I was just wondering if that would help my chances of getting a job there.”</p><p>Crowley blinked, not fully processing what he was saying. “What?”</p><p>“I mean, I know I would have to start with a lower position, but I’m sure I could work my way up. I know she always liked to hire locally, and I did grow up here after all. If not, Tracy still owns the local bookstore and I’m sure she would be amenable to me working with her.”</p><p>Crowley sat up suddenly, staring down at Aziraphale with confusion. “Angel, what the hell are you talking about? Why would you want to get a job here?”</p><p>Aziraphale blinked. “I, well, I told you. I love you.”</p><p>“Yeah, but… you have a whole life in the city. It’s everything you ever wanted.”</p><p>Aziraphale sat up now, his hand coming to rest on Crowley’s face. “Darling, I thought that was what I wanted. But I’ve come to see that it’s nothing without you. <em>You </em>are all I’ve ever wanted, and I have no intention of ever leaving you again.”</p><p>A painful lump rose in Crowley’s throat. “But… Angel, I don’t want to make you have to choose. I couldn’t live with myself knowing you gave up everything for me. I don’t know what I would do if you came to resent me.”</p><p>“My dear, what do you imagine I have in the city that I don’t have here? I’ve already established that I could find a new job. I have a few friends, but nothing that would keep me there. <em>This </em>is where your life is. You have this pub, which has been in your family for fifty years. You have Newt and Anathema and everyone else you grew up with. This is your home, and I want to make it mine as well. That is… if you want me to.” Aziraphale suddenly looked unsure, his eyes darting down. “If you still need time to decide if this is actually what you want, I understand of course. I would never push this on you if it’s not—”</p><p>Crowley cut him off with a wet kiss. “No, angel, this is what I want. I want you. Only ever you.”</p><p>Aziraphale smiled against his mouth. “Oh, good. I had worried.”</p><p>“Don’t. Don’t worry. Just stay with me.”</p><p>Aziraphale nuzzled against his neck. “Oh, my love. Always.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I got a <a href="https://twitter.com/KiaraMGrey1">Twitter</a> for my fanfics! Come follow me!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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